Thursday, December 27, 2012

Movies I Have Seen This Year, Part One


Super (2.5)--Dwight from The Office hits some guy over the head with a monkey wrench for cutting in line at the movie theater. Ha ha? Then I realize the film--about a deranged man who thinks he's a superhero--is actually action/adventure not comedy. Sorry for the laughter, Rainn.

Female Trouble (2.5)--Divine being his/her usual sexy self.

The Artist (2)--Silence is golden. Except in this case it's more of a dull brass. Very dull.

Fathead (3)--Mmmmm bacon.

WR (3)--About Orgone, Croatia, lesbian elephants in a 69. Or did I dream this one?

Our Idiot Brother (2.5)--Competent.

Get Him To the Greek (2.5)--Competent.

Cave of Forgotten Dreams (3)--Cave paintings (see Prometheus below).

Tim and Eric's Billion $ Movie (2)--I'm afraid it only looked like a million bucks.

La Dolca Vita (3)

Tucker and Dale Versus Evil (2)

Horrible Bosses (horrible)

Battle Royale (2.5)--Teens killing teens. Heh heh. But where was Rainn?

Elephant Man (3.5)

Europa (3)

Southland Tales (2.5)--Justin Timberlake dancing and singing his way into our hearts. We get a shunt put in.

A Dangerous Method (3)--Jung liked to schtupp his analysands. Freud did not. A very dull argument breaks out.

Music & Lyrics (2.5)--Hugh Grant and John Stewart in a romcom. But who was music and who was lyrics??

Human Nature (2.5)

Nora (3)--Obi Wan as James Joyce. Wrap your head around that!

Cabin in the Woods (2.5)--Yet another film obsessed with visual stimulation to the exclusion of all else, especially logic (see Prometheus below).

Tabloid (2.5)

Stardust Memories (3)

Ghost World (3.5)--"This is America. LEARN THE RULES!!"

Winnebago Man (3)--Doc about a delightfully profane old man and his hatred for everything. Touching.

Belle du Jour (3.5)

The Scarlet Letter (1.5)--Not as sexy as I had been led to believe by my high school English teacher.

Young Adult (2)--Charlize Theron has sex with Patton Oswalt. GARBAGE.

The Dictator (Aladeen)

Paint Your Wagon (Partial Credit)

Rubber (2.5)--Movie about a tire that goes on a killing spree, not about the prophylactic. A little disappointing.

Zelig (3)

Cocoanuts (3)

50/50 (3)--Man gets cancer. Meets manic pixie dream therapist. Gets better.

Flirting With Disaster (3)--Richard Jenkins: "I can see the music!"

Boogie Nights (3.5)--Porn. Is there anything it can't do?

Purple Rose of Cairo (2.5)

Fanny Och Alexander (3.5)

Diary of a Chamber Maid (2.5)

MacGruber (2.5)--Better than Stewart Saves the World. Barely.

Crazy Stupid Love (2.5)--A really fucking idiotic film. Must have had some laughs for me to have given it this rating.

Prometheus (2.5)--This one could take up an entire post all on its own. Bafflingly illogical. People fly out into space because cave paintings told them so. Nothing makes sense. NOTHING. But it looks great! ......Just like me?

Moonrise Kingdom (3)--A bit rote.

Collapse (2)--Kook warns about peak oil. Or maybe he's right after all? Yawn.

Solaris (3)--Not the George Clooney one. More Russian-y.

Alien (3)

Ran (3.5)--Eat your heart out, Billy Shakespeare.

Interiors (2)--My dad's favorite Woody Allen. Perhaps too farcical for my taste.

Playtime (3)--Jacques Tati being amazing and tedious all at once. .....Just like me?

Coffee and Cigarettes (2.5)

Tokyo Story (3)

Sweet and Lowdown (2.5)

Cinema Veritie (3)

2 or 3 Things I Know About Her (3)--Brilliant Jean Luc Godard. I have no idea what any of it meant.

The Campaign (2)--Leave it to comedians to make us hate politicians. And comedians.

Star Crash ( )--Zen rating for unratable Italian film about robots and Marjoe Gortner. MARJOE GORTNER.

Beasts of the Southern Wild (2.5)--Not about the whiskey, or anything actually interesting.

Descendants (2.5)

OKAY!! That's one index card. Next week: the other index card. CATCH THE EXCITEMENT AT THIS YEAR'S TOYOTA SALES EVENT. (Goddamn I'm getting sick of that phrase. It's not a fucking EVENT you assholes it's just another goddamn sale that you have every GODDAMN WEEK..... Whew. I knew this blog would serve a purpose someday.)

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