Storytime With Reggie

"Can you renew this for me?"

Reggie handed me a book. I was amazed. I had never known Reggie to read a book with words in it. I looked at the cover.

"Feenin'," I said. "I have no idea what that means. Is it a sex position for turtles?"

"It's when you crave something. Like you're 'feenin' for some crack."

"Ah. Like last night I was feenin' for some Jeopardy. But then Alex Trebek's attitude had to harsh my buzz." I flipped through the book. "Is 'harsh my buzz' in here?"

"My girlfriend wants it. She has me read it to her every night in my Barry White voice." He lowered his voice to a slinky baritone like gentle thunder. "Yeah, baby. Yeah."

"Hm." I stopped on a random passage, and read aloud.

'Maybe pussy don't get you paid anymore because all of the supposedly hardcore niggas are in the closet. They're only paying the big bucks for strong jaws and tight assholes. Little did they know, just like a closet crack head you have to come to the light with your shit, but so does a closet lesbian or down low brotha.'

Reggie smiled and nodded. "So true," he said. "So true."

"Uh, yeah." I flipped to another page.

'I wanted to give major super head this time. He grabbed my hair and I knew it was over! My head started to tremble only because now his ass was shaking like a leaf. He started talking out of nowhere. 'I'm about to cum. Please don't stop. Girl, it's so good. Let me cum in our mouth, please?' When I felt the shaft of his dick contracting, I took the dick out of my mouth. He ran behind me, and pushed his dick in my pussy and started humping and hollering like a manic.'

Reggie nodded again. "Yeah. I'm thinking of doing a painting about that scene..."

"He ran behind. Huh. He must have been afraid the Viagra was going to wear off."

I flipped to the back to find out how it all turns out. SPOILER ALERT.

'Ooo wee, if looks could kill, that bitch Madison would've knocked me out the box then! It was something seriously strange about Madison to me, but I couldn't care less about Madison at this point. Infinity had just given me a car. I was happier than two sissies on Gay Street with a sack of dicks in their pocket!'

"Predictable," I said. "Always with the sissies on Gay Street stuff. When are people going to write anything new?"

As if the ending wasn't delightful enough, there was an Author's Note at the back to bring it all home:

'When I was a little girl, I had an uncle who was a homosexual and he contracted a virus called HIV, which later escalated into AIDS. My uncle was a homosexual, but he was still human.'

"Hmmph. Human. Yeah, right."

And then, as our sissy cup overfloweth, the Epilogue:

'Yeah, good sex is hard to find. When you find it, you wanna hold on to it because you're happier than a faggot on Gay Street with a sack of dicks in his hand!'

Reggie snatched the book and ran behind me like a manic.

I should tell everyone that this book, and other fine books like it, are available at the Denver Public Library. There are three copies. Feenin'. Enjoy, everybody!