The Problem With a Chinese Wish Pot Is That You Want To Make Another Wish an Hour Later!

Since I'm the type of person who digs on multiverses, I thought I'd watch a movie called WISH UPON. And, yes, nonexistent reader, all my wishes which I was not careful to wish for swished into my smart-ish wishy-washy squishy eyeballs, wish.

"Hard pass. Wait. From the director of 

ANNABELLE??! I dig on!"

Some dummy finds a Chinese wishing well, kiss and tell, and then proceeds to prance about like Terence Trent D'Arby. (Dear God that would be much, much better.) 

"Duhh. I mean, huh. Er. Derp. Wait. Line?"

She wishes that the popular girl would get skin herpes or something equally funny, and it comes true! Ha, ha! This will be a great story at their fortieth reunion. Mike Perez will love it, I promise!

"I hate you Prell!"

So you see, it's like this. Dumb girl makes wish and then something ironic happens like dumb uncle does pratfall in his fancy bathtub or area dumb woman gets her face caught in the garbage disposal. 

"How does the garbage disposal keep up

 with the news like that??"

"Don't. praise. the. garbage disposal."

How is this ironic, you ask? Well, you see, because the uncle liked hygiene and the area woman liked to wash her vegetables first, it just shows you don't do that or a Chinese demon will kill you! Wow. This movie is kinda deep. 

"Says here it wants to be called an Asian Wish Pot, not an Oriental."

Because when the Oriental girl figures out the curse, the wish demon does a sort of slow motion running with the Pamplona bulls thing and kills the girl very dead.

"I'll catch up with you guys later! I have to gently sink 

my face into this sharp horn! For irony!" 

Then the dumb girl wishes everything could go back to the way it was and the film starts with the Big Bang and recapitulates 13.8 billion years and brings us back to the same stupid point, except her dad dies instead of her mom--AND they had to sit through the Ice Capades again! 

"OMG! Dad's blood is freezing cold!!"

The rest of the movie is really great because the dumb girl runs around trying to escape her malfunctioning brain and fails ha ha.

"Someone bring me a taquito! Awwwggh!"

And she dies, after learning the valuable lesson that you don't yell. Or you always leave a note. Or you don't give lessons.

"Someone give my regards to the lunch lady. Her fish sticks were exquisite."

And yet... and yet... did she learn a lesson? I mean, since she's super dead and stuff? Sort of hard to see the point. You know, this movie was incredibly stupid and just a huge waste of.... Aw hell, who cares, let's dance!!