My Twitter War With Celebrities And My Overall Greatness

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Twitter is a measure of one's worth. And ergo, I am worth a great, great deal since I have acquired ONE THOUSAND followers in the last week. This puts me in the big league with the big boys who have copies of Big on Blu-ray at home.

There's only one minor problem. All of my new Twitter followers hail from the land of Aladdin. But once I learn squiggly it'll be no prob.

Oh, yeah, buddy? Well... uh, sure. And right back at you! (By the way, your hashtags are backwards! LOL) I graciously tweeted him back...

Of course, now that I'm semi-to-the-google-power famous, I've been attracting a Niagara of Haterade. Is it because my backward cap is so dope? I mean, fly? I mean, dope fly?

My first attacker was one of the world's biggest Twitter celebrities--obviously due to my gargantuan stature.

Then, to add to the insult, he sent me a signed glossy. Sure, I have it framed on my bedroom ceiling, but I'm still aroused about this guy. I mean, ball eating?? What ever happened to civil discourse in this country?

"Don't do pot, kids."

It wasn't only Willie Aames I had to shut down with extreme tumescence. I was also forced to destroy mega-talent Frank Stallone.

His response was revealing...

In the heat of my many victorious flame wars, I received a tweet from a familiar character...

Which was bad news because I lost a follower! So much for being a big man on Twitter...

"I'm out."

P.S. As a consolation prize I got another glossy!

"Please don't put me on the ceiling."