Friday, August 11, 2017

London Calling

Jonah came up to me and slyly slipped me a letter with a wax seal.

"Just for you," he whispered.

I had gotten back from Chipotle and I wasn't thinking clearly. They had just added queso to their offerings!! Verily, people, it felt like there was an orgy in my mouth and everyone was coming.

"Huh?" I said, still tasting the aftercum.

Jonah passed his finger across his nose.

"Whuzzah?" I said.

Jonah gave me a meaningful stare of his eyeballs.

"Ah!" I said. "Is this an allusion to Lacan and the purloined letter...?"

"No. The allusion is an illusion." Jonah scratched his chin. "Hm? Hm?"

"Oh!" The last of the queso bubbled up from my pyloric like lava from Avernus. "Gotcha."

I gave him the sign...

"Sorry about your Bell's palsy. Anyway, I hear you're going to London with your mom."

"Yes. My mom. Because what's more precious and beautiful than family? It's... Shit, that's Mom calling me. Hold on."

It was an emergency. Mom needed to talk about Twin Peaks. Why was Audrey Horne married to a midget?? Why were bugs crawling into little girl's mouths?? ETC

Jonah had wandered away.

"Hey! Get back here! I need to pretend to have a conversation with you!"

"Sigh," he sighed.


Jonah looked off. "What is line?"

"Just ask me how it happened that I'm going to London with my mom."

"Right. So, Greg... [dead monotone voice] How did you happen to go to your mom for London?"

"(We'll clean it up in the editing room.) Thanks for asking, Jonah! Well, it all began when Mom was feeling blue and decided she needed something fun to look forward to in her life. She suggested that I come with her to tour Civil War battle sites on a train. My reaction was swift and giphy."

Mom was not happy. It wasn't very nice of me to keep saying NO. like that. Finally I broke free of the loop and considered further what was to be done outside of saying NO. (Just like everything in life!) So I finally suggested going to London, a place I had never been to, and where Mom loved more than even Oz itself. But the sticking, growling point was Bingo. It seemed our trip was in jeopardy because Bingo needed drugs and so forth and Mom didn't want to leave Bingo by himself-o. But then Bingo went over to Les's house and, verily, Bingo had a wonderful time!

So the trip was back on, and all was glorious.

"Are you sure about this?" Jonah said. "Have you traveled with your mom before?"

"No, I haven't. But I decided that nothing is more important than being with fam-- Goddamnit. That's Mom again! Hold on. What? No, the midget doesn't hurt anybody! Who is that weird man with the hat? I don't know, Mom. I... What? I..."

Jonah reached around me. He took away the sealed envelope he'd slipped me at the top of this post. Then he scratched his ear and walked away.

I didn't blame him.

"Those are the dirty hobos, Mom. Yes, they represent bad things. I... No, it's... What...?" ETC

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