CHUCKLEDIE, adj. -- That involuntary sound that gurgles out of your mouth when your boss makes a lame witticism and you feel you must respond.
SHOWTIME, n. -- A state of helpless reminiscence; when employees find themselves talking about a long-gone coworker without wanting to. (See also: LOCK AND LOAD, HBO)
GETTING THINGS DONE v. -- Stretched out dead asleep on the break room recliner under a self-help book. Also known as: Inspiring The Troops!
TEEN VOLUNTEER n. -- They really are getting younger and younger! (And have rather appalling reading habits.)
OPIOID RENEWAL n. -- When that 97-year-old customer needs to renew her books for the thirtieth time because she has to write a paper. #GetHelp
DAYLIGHT SAVING SYNDROME n. -- Calling out weeks in advance because an hour will be lost. (See also: TRAGEDY)
PHANTOM OF THE LIBRARY n. -- To scream and sing alone in the library, thinking no one can hear you--until the customer on the phone in the back room asks what's happening. #SlowClap
HEGELIAN adj. -- That part of the day when everyone clears out of the break room.
COFFIN n. -- That beautiful fantasy object custom-made for that customer who will not stop coughing. (See also: URGE TO KILL)
RICE A MOANI'S DIARY n. -- When a customer complains about getting inadequate service from a coworker, and then goes on about Renee Zellweger's work. (Hey, at least someone is working...)
LOOK WHO'S FUTILE n. -- Complaining about the absurd number of DVD copies for a particular movie.
FINE WHINING adj. -- The art of arguing a 60 cent fine. (See also: Wanting a goddamn receipt for returning Bridget Jones's Baby.)
PLASTIC DEATH n. -- A holiday. (See also, My shirts.)
INAPPROPRIATE adj. -- When customer checks out books for the twentieth time on infertility; your boss yells that the customer is probably jacking off on the books at home. (See also: JIZZ)
WHAT, ME WORK? n. -- When a coworker finally takes your work away and you say, "Oh! But I was about to do that!" (See also: CORALING)
MOTHERPARKER n. -- That patron who storms in to complain about parking.
HOTLINE n. -- Offering to call the mayor about the parking. (See also: ZING)
BEEF SMIRKY n. -- Delicious blogger who thinks he's funny.