Failure To Drink

Mom and I were at the Hacienda. Normally we'd be rockin' it at Perkins, but Mom wanted to go somewhere where she could drink.

"I've decided I'm going to deal with this election by drinking."

She had a frozen margarita in front of her. She had barely touched it.

"Well?" I said.

"Well, what?"

"Drinking takes discipline and hard work, Mom. You can't expect it to just come to you. You have to be dedicated."

Mom frowned as she took up the straw. She sipped and then made a face.

"Eww! It's not very good."

"Maybe if it had donut sprinkles on the rim?"

"I'll try some more when our meals come..."

"You make a lousy drunk, Mom."

Mom took a few more sips. "I can do this... I know I can... Talk to me about Trump. That will do it."

"Okay. Uh... Orangezilla is coming to kill us all, ha ha."

Mom drank some more.

"Do you feel anything?"

Mom burped. "I don't think it agrees with me. I tried drinking with the girls yesterday, but I was only able to finish half.... Oh! You're not going to believe this, but my Comcast is broken AGAIN. All my channels are in Spanish! It's the craziest thing."

"Have you tried building a wall around your TV?"

"I called and told them I'm not mad at them. But this is ridiculous! Can you believe this? Even my NFL games are in Spanish!"

"Your TV is rigged, it's clear."

"Nothing ever gets better," Mom said, slumply, sadly. "It's always worse."

"Yeah. By the way, dad's brother-in-law died suddenly a few days ago. He might have to go back to Finland for the funeral."

"How is Maria's health?"

"She's doing great. She'll probably live another ten, fifty years. At least."

Mom sucked super hard at her drink.

I thought for a moment. "You know what, give me some of that..."