Friday, July 8, 2016

The Screwed By The Intern

Today's Movie Minute is THE INTERN, a movie of infinite banality beloved by my father. He "laughed so hard he pooed," or words to that effect. I did much less laughing (but more pooing).

"The chick is the intern, right? Wait, the old man is? WHAAAT?!?!"

That's right, everyone, hold on for a bumpy ride as Robert De Niro upends all our cherished ideas about old people being absolutely worthless at everything. It turns out they practice their t'ai chi so when they steal batteries at the pharmacy they can claim they're just doing the Palsied Crane!

"This is how we walk out of this movie, people...!"

You have to give it up for De Niro, though. The guy's got range. Here he is being dyspeptic...


Here he is being a bit splenetic...


And here he is pulling out all the stops by being phlegmatic with just a dash of meretriciousness!

"MmmmMMMM! Can someone PLEASE unglue my lips!??"

De Niro is the Magical Negro to fix all of Anne Hathaway's problems, minus her acting. As a charmingly Frantic Millennial, she's the kooky hip wacky CEO of, an internet company that's on computers now and ably proves that young folk are absolutely worthless at everything. Point taken!

"Tofutti break, everyone!! I don't care if you don't like the taste, fuckers!!"

Robert De Niro's character might be old, but he still has a furnace in his pants and a snow plow out his behind. To the viewer's emetic delight, he is presented with three possible lovers, in descending gorgeousness. First, there's Alice straight from her affair with Vic "Jock Strap" Tayback:

"Kiss my grits!"

Then there's Rene Russo, straight from her romance with Kevin "Tin Ear" Costner:

"Mmmmmmmm! *spllgg*"

And finally Anne "Witch Face" Hathaway. De Niro ends up in bed with her, but does the mattress pounding commence? Answer: no.

"Sorry. I guess we should work UP to rimming."

In the end, everyone learns how awful each and every generation is and we're sent home with tears and poo, in that order.

"No, you dumbshit. Click on 'like' for Greg's
 blog on The Facebook! See? Now you try.... No,
 not the angry face! Arrgh!..."

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