Friday, May 6, 2016

The Big Crapple

The first thing I did on my visit to New York City was visit the Statue of Liberty. I made sure to wear my extra-large glasses so I could really see all of it. Also, I glued hair on my head.

"So high. So very, very high."

Then I purchased a smoking jacket so I could go to a fancy French restaurant with Tom and Mary. I practiced my Safety Dance first. The French love safety, rumor has it. 

"If you don't dance, then you're no friend of mine."

At the restaurant I had quail eggs overeasy, otherwise known as Queasy. My bill came to 1700 dollars, but it was worth it since the grilled cheese was served with Grey Poupon. At one point I made a move to take off my Valu Village jacket and waiters swarmed on me. "No, no, monsieur! Please put le jacket on! Mon Dieu le jackass!" I believe the French call that a faux Jerry Louis.

I stayed at La Quinta, a charming place in the heart of darkness.

Bodies are kept on the balcony.

When the cab driver pulled up to the hotel, a group of toughs were standing outside and I told the driver, no, no, no! This can't be right. But then I saw the majestic sign. LA QUINTA, Hotel for Morons, and I knew I had arrived at home.

We went to a museum to discover art. And to get me a girlfriend...

"I'm perfect for you. PERFECT!!!"

We also ran into some old friends...


On Saturday we went to a flea market.

"Get yer chairs, get yer ice cold chairs here...!!!"

While I didn't buy any fleas, I found something much, much better.

"If you should die before you wake hehe hehe he..."

Thanks for the great times, Griffith Ryan people! And thanks a lot for the lousy accomodations!

Let's make America grape again!

Tom, will you please comment on this post?!? PLEASE

I promise I'll ignore it!


  1. Needs more clown pictures! Still lagging about queasy! Well done

  2. I am touched by this post. Touched in all the wrong places. Poor Jerry Lewis - - hasn't he been tormented enough already?