Introducing Mr. Hoagy, If That Is His Real Name

My dad likes to put "quotes" around certain words in his "sexy" "stories." That allows him a certain ironic "distance." And I would like to plead that "good kids" also want some distance from this "great" "comic."

But wtf is this?? South students are cheaters?!?! The real question, of course, is who are the poindexters belonging to the twelve percent not cheating? I mean, how lame-o can you get?!? (Note: I never cheated. Unless you count stealing test answers, then okay, I guess I did some cheating. And only the occasional arson.)

More hard-hitting is this article about library scofflaws. I like that George Diedrich growls his menace through the news article. I'm still waiting for him to "deal" with me. (If you know what I "mean.")

The word horrendous is well chosen, I think we can all agree. I mean, you get that notice from the library and it might as well be a shrunken head or severed genitals, your own. Amirite?!

What is the robot talking about? What could possibly be offensive about our high school....??

Uh.....

To be fair, this was in 1883. (Extra points if you can find the dork.)