Thursday, January 17, 2013

Behind, Over, Under the Eight Ball

"So, as you know, Mimi has been having some trouble with her, you know, her bowels. Anyway, she..."

"Wait, wait, Mom. Let me get into my stance first. Okay..... Now."

"What are you doing?"

"Just some Qi Gong. It makes me tantrically impervious to old-lady-bowel talk."

"Please don't be silly about this, Greg. You know it's been awful for the poor soul the last year or so. And I've really been upset over this Father Dave thing."

"Father Dave."

"He's from the Ascension church that Mimi has been going to for the last 88 years. Can you believe that? She was baptized and married there. But she can't go to the services anymore because of her knees and hip. Those front stairs are just murder. So Father Dave promised to come out to her. I mean, she's been a parishioner for 88 years. But do we actually see the man? No!! We've been waiting for weeks, and no sign of him. Can you believe that? You'd think after 88 years you'd get a little more consideration in the matter."

"88 years, huh." My body trembled slightly as I held my pose and ass cheeks together. "And release."

"So what happens last Sunday? Father Dave finally shows up! He immediately complained about the Polo Grounds security, apparently they stopped him at the gate and wanted to see his ID and he was practically frisked. It doesn't surprise me, though. I told him I get the same treatment myself--I mean, do I look like a terrorist to you?"

"What kind?"

"Anyway, Father Dave was there to administer the eucharist, and as he was blessing her with the wafer it just fell out."


"Yes. You know, it. A pretty hard, solid, round ball. She's been really constipated lately, so it was quite a big ball, like a billiard ball. It must have been trapped in her pant leg and when she knelt forward it rolled out. I screamed when Father Dave almost stepped on it. He frowned over at me--he probably thought I was possessed or something. I was so embarrassed, I muttered something about being concerned that Mimi had not said her prayers yet. But Father Dave didn't care as he noticed how happy Mimi looked. She just looked blessed. You should have seen the look on her face. And Father Dave left, very pleased with himself. If he only knew! The ball was right there as he went out...!"

So much for Qi Gong. I melted into a much more typical pose, called the Why Oh Why God pose.

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