Reggie Makes The Big Time

DEWEY'S DISPATCH ALERT!! DEWEY'S DISPATCH ALERT!! This just in: local dork makes front page of unread and unreadable company newsletter for being a dork. And for painting a dork mural for dorks coming into the dork library to dork around, dork.

I'm sitting on the right. I don't know who the dork is on the left. Buddha? Under the Summer Reading Tree? Getting all enlightened an' shit?? This reminds me of another supremely magical time in my life.

(A daguerreotype, handcrafted by dorks depicting dorks)

Reggie shuffled over with his broom, wanting to know what the hullabaloo was all about. Frowning, he put on his reading spectacles.

"Where am I? I see you and Eating, but where am I? I did a lot of work on that. I did the sky. The tree."

Indeed, Reggie's contribution consisted of him filling in large spaces with acrylic paint. Sky: he dipped his brush in the blue(!) paint and painted. Tree: he dipped his brush in the green(?!) paint and painted. Move over Raphael!!

"You're in the back here. See, you're on this page..."

LE MASTER AT WORK

"Oh, I see the black man has to be in the BACK of the Dewey's. I see how it is."

"Yes. The DD is really not that far away from the KKK, lexically. When you think about it."

"What?"

"But look! That's you, masterfully painting brown paint in the areas where there is brown dirt."

Reggie smiled. "Yeah, I look hot, don't I? See that technique? That's how you create real art. See how it's flowing out of my whole arm like that, my whole body? That's art, my son."

"Actually, you look like you're stabbing a hooker."

"Passion, that's what I'm talking about."

"I think we have different meanings for that word..."

Reggie took me aside, his voice lowering several more sexy octaves. "Hey, listen, I'm having a threesome tonight with my girlfriend. It's gonna be off the chain."

"I'm going to assume that's a metaphor. The chain part, I mean."

"I'm gonna show this picture of me painting to my girlfriend. It'll get her vagina wet, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, I think I grasp your meaning."

Reggie had Carol print out the photo of his masterfulness on the color printer. 

"I'm going to use this tonight," he said, flapping the sheet. He grinned as he left. "Yeah, I'm going to use it."

I think I've discovered the line where art, sex and madness meet. Oh, and grossness. 

Next Week: A Statue of Reggie is Erected, and an Erection is Statued